Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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