If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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