Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
