Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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