are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
