It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I need to stop coming to work sober
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
