You're my little dorito
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
