is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
