1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think my moral compass just broke
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