You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize