Me. At least after what I've been through.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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