Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
