I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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