It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
