remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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