Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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