i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My penis needs a shock collar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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