Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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