whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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