Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
