everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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