So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
