it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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