Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
