His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
