So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
