Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
