I wish my penis had an off switch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
