So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
