Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
