2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
