then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
