glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
