im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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