I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
