Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
