I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
it was like eating out sand paper
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.