wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex