ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
