he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you made out with another girl for some wings
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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