she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
When are your genitals available?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!