my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...