I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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