we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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