i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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