She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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