yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
