Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
