NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
