Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
