I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
