Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
