I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
