Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
