Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
