So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Boobs are out for the taking
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
