If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize