i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
