Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
