I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
