You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
