This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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