RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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