You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
