I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
