pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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