I think I won the penis lottery.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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