Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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