I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
