i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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