Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
