the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
