I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
