Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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