Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
