girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
