I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize