like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
