So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They took my balls.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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