i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize